tsunami_boy13's Xanga

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 17:18:30 GMT

"Love Bites, Love Bleeds...."
sometimes we hurt those we care about most.

So yeah, here I am again....my life got a little off track and out of perspective for awhile. I don't know what was the matter with me, when I had other options. I am so sorry for what I had done to my dear friends and family especially one in particular....Ben. I care about him very much and I want him and everyone else to know that I'm very sorry for how I treated him over the past few months. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me, we were together for too long and went through too much to just go our separate ways. I miss him alot, and I hope that he knows it. If you are reading this ben, i'm sorry, I really want to talk to you on the phone and see how you have been. Thats all for now, see everyone again soon.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Tue, 03 May 2005 03:43:58 GMT

I'm a Trendy City Faggot! I am better than you. My clothing is better, I am more sophisticated, I smell better, taste better, look better, and feel better. What’s more, I snigger into my macchiato at other faggot stereotypes, because they are all so tragically simple. God why can’t I get laid?

What kind of Faggot are you?
Brought to you by Pushing Through

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 20:07:03 GMT

Easy As Life
The Story Of My Life

No, no, no, no
Nothing is easy

All I have to do Is forget how much I love him
All I have to do Is put my longing to one side
Tell myself that love’s an ever changing situation
Passion would have cooled, and all the magic would have died
It’s easy as life

I try to forget how much I want him here
Then my dreams slowly disappear
I cannot forget that my emotions die
Oh I don’t even want to try
Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do

All I have to do Is pretend I never knew you
On those very rare occasions When you steal into my heart
Better to have lost you When the ties were barely binding
Better the contempt Of the familiar cannot stop
It’s easy as life

I try to forget how much I want him here
Then my dreams slowly disappear
I cannot forget that my emotions die
Oh I don’t even want to try
Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do

It hurts to think about you When I want to touch you
And how we would have been If you were here with me today
Those very rare occasions They keep on coming
All I ever wanted I’m throwing it away

Nothing in life is ever easy
Nothing in love will ever run true
My heart will never stop believing
I still believe in what love can do

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 19:57:52 GMT

Life After The Air Academy

Well, here I am on a Monday afternoon, with more time on my hands then I know how to deal with. I just graduated last Wednesday, and I have no job. I live down in Oregon City, 20 minutes from the school, so I could stay around and interview and try to get a job. Going home was not an option rite now, but the guy i'm staying with is really nice and takes good care of me, lol. I can't believe it though, I graduated at the top of my class as Validictorian, and I don't even have anything even close to an interview yet. Also, I kinda poicked up this bad habit, well, mabe a couple of bad habits, but Iuess thats what happens when you got nothing better to do with your time. But whatever. my life is just screwed up rite now anyways, I feel so stuck, like i'm between a rock and a hard place. I can't seem to go backwards and I can't seem to go forewards. I miss my friends, Dolores, Rachille, Ben, and alot of the people I met while going to school. I wish I had blue eyes..... everything would be better if I did. Mabe I should get contacts. Who knows. I just wanna get my life straightened out already, and make something of myself. Anyways, yeah i'll update again later, cause i'm sure i'll have plenty of time to do it now.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 03:12:55 GMT

Busy, Busy, Busy......So Much to Do, so Little Time

Yeah, I realize I haven't updated this thing in awhile, but I don't think many people read this anyways, lol. Anyways, I graduate from airline school next week on wednesday, but I still don't have a job, nor do I have any interviews set up. It sucks, I think this school has turned out to be a load of crap, so no one should come here. Its a big waste of time and money. What can I say though? lol, I guess I can always sue for false advertising. I had one interview set up for an airline here in PDX, but the career development lady at the school lost my application, cover letter, and resume, and then I didn't feel like doing them all over again. If I don't get a job, i'm gonna be pissed off. Anyways, mabe I can go live with ben in NYC, I really, really don't wanna go back to Idaho. Also, I have a friend in Oregon City that said I could stay there, but I'm sure that wouldn't go over wiuth the parents too well. Life kinda sux rite now, i have test galore up the ying yang, and i should have a job and know where i'm going by now. I gotta spend the rest of the nite studying for the computer quiz tomorrow, and i need to start packing and cleaning up the house too before too long, since my parents should be here somtime at the begining of next week. So, yeah, thats all for now, if anything new happens, i'll try and update the best I can.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 10:01:00 GMT

Happy New Year Everybody!!!

I'll try and update soon, soo many things happening, so little time for this anymore!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 20:13:30 GMT

So Much For My Happy Ending.....But Yay For Rebounds!

Yeah, me and chris broke up the other night, the stupid bastard! He said i needed too much emotional growing, and that he didn't want to be the one to help me. I was like, whatever! After i found those pictures on his computer, and what he said. There was someone else, I know it. But anyways, he was a lousy lay, he almost put me to sleep when we had sex. It was blah. The worst I ever had. Plus, he started out really cute, and then it started to bother me when he dyed his hair blonde (more like orange) And then started to gauge all his piercings. Also, I was getting sick of the drag stuff, and The fact that he was an escort and was doing it several times a week. Good riddance, less chance for him to bring me a disease! Anyways, me and ben decided to have a "long distance-open relationship". Yay! fun, fun. I told him if it doesn't work, then its his fault, lol. I need to call him before school, since i'm leaving on the train right after to go see my grandmother for thanksgiving. Fun, fun!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 00:56:39 GMT

....And I Begin To Wonder.....

Hey wazzup everybody? Yeah its been a few days since I updates last, I know. But I don't think too many people read this anymore anyways. Whatever. This weekend went pretty good for the most part, but a few thing I came across got me a little worried, about how "faithful and True" the other person is. I was on his computer, milling around and looking for things to do, when I came across a folder filled with pictures of boys, Some of the names i recognized, in several stages of nudity and or underwear. I can't figure out whay he would have stuff like that on there. Then that night at dinner he brought up some stuff about his ex's that he liked, but didn't say anything about me. I got pissed at him, and he said it was because i was there, if I wasn't then he would talk about me. That sounds real good. What so then he can talk bad? Well anyways I can't really draw any definite conclusions until I talk to him about it. But I'll keep you guys updated on the situation.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 21:39:32 GMT

Bad Nights, Bad Dreams

Last night wasn't so good. I got home from school and tried to call my honey, but I couldn't get through at first because someone was using my calling card. Then by the time I was able to us it, his phone was off so I didn't get to talk to him at all. I waited up for awhile to see if he would call, and he didn't, so I was worried a little bit, and went to bed. Thats when things got a little worse for me. I had this wierd and horrible dream about the two of us. We were somewhere that looked like the moulin rouge (the one from the movie, not the real one) and Chris i guess was sort of like satine (but a boy) and I was, I guess, sort of like christian. Well i dreamed that this guy came up to him and wanted to sleep with him for lots of money, and I didn't want him to do it, so I tried to stop the guy. Thats when the guy called his henchmen and they grabbed the both of us and dragged us up into that room inside the elephant, except it was alot higher up. Well they tied me to one of the pillars, and the guy started to rape chris, throwing him around the room and doing all kinds of evil things. All I could do is just sit there and watch. then when the guy was done with him, he threw him across the room one last time, and he fell out one of the windows. Right before he was gone he yelled "I love you". I was then down in the couryard holding him in my arms and crying as he slowly died from the fall. Thats when I woke up, crying and feeling horrible, almost like it had really happened. Then I tried to call him again, and his phone was still off, so I thought something had really happened. But then I saw him online and we talked and hes okay, lol. I hate dreams like that.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 01:29:07 GMT

"When I Feel Blue I Think of You, Because You're True, Wherever You Are Near or Far, You Really Are my Shining Star...."

Yay!, or Yawn mabe.... Here I am sitting in typing class trying to update this thing again. I am soo tired, I really don't feel like being at school right now. I spent the whole weekend up in Tacoma with Chris. I had soo much fun and we did lots of stuff, even though he had to work part of the time I was there. We went to Seattle and stuff, he spent lots of money on me and I felt really bad about it, (because I can't spend that kind of money on him yet). I miss him soo much already, and I was just with him less than 12 hours ago. He's soo sweet, and has this really fun wild side, (which I explored last night, lol). Damnit I wish I lived closer. This sux. I don't ever think i've missed someone so much. On top of my longing, all the shit at school is still going on. As for my "former" friends here, I'm done. Stick a fork in you guys, your done! I could care less about you and what you want. Lets see just how well you pass the computer quiz and exam without me, because guaranteed, I'm not gonna be the one to drag you through it this time. Good luck, and good riddance. Anyways, i've got better friends, ones that aren't so self centered and mean to everyone they have the slightest problem with. But anyways yeah. Me and Dolores might study tonite. I'm not sure. Or i'll just go home and sleep. That sounds good. If I don't get enough sleep, I won't be able to wake up and got to the gym tomorrow. Well class is going to start, so I'm gonna go. Laters.